i cry, you cry, we cry TtOGETHER

Man oh man! Oh man! I just got off the phone with my first love. This nigga been in jail for 7 years! His best friend got out and contacted me which made me miss him [my first love R.C] more.

While in this convo I got a whole bunch of "you didn't hold me down" blah blah blah. Which made me cry! Ughhhh why? Man iono 7 years of not being able to express my feelings to him because he's in a cell prolly as big as my bed. Locked up since we was 19. We got together when I was 18. So we are stuck in time trying to figure out how to get out of the past to move forward... with or without each other. He's always been in my thoughts and in my heart but I know I couldn't be with him. We fight just talkin on the phone for 5 mins.

Wow! 7 years later. I had a kid, started my own company, got married, getting divorced... at 18 this is not what I had planned... okay well to start my own company was since I had been doing this ish since 17 lol but my son was not in my plan till about the age I'm at now. But I WOULDN'T give him up for anything.

So what do I do now if I have completed all goals I had in my life? I didn't want to be famous... or a doctor, or lawyer, or anything special like that. I wanted to be a fashion designer, a dancer, a sports agent, or run my own entertainment company. So by the time I was 20 I had my own company, a kid, my own spot, 4 cars and culd buy anything I wanted. All that changed. Material things aren't what makes me happy anymore. At 25 being with my son, family and friends is what matters to me. I am richer than any rich person in the world with the people I have in my life now.

I don't know how all this is on my mind after talking to R.C. I guess considering his situation and me being able to live my life how I wanted. Its takin a toll seeing he gets out in 8 months. There's so many things he hasn't expirenced, so many new things for him to see.

*sigh* 7 years... smh... exactly 7 years when he gets out!
I'm scared for him :(

it kills me

.... 11:14 and I think I may have seen something I didn't want to see... or maybe I'm reading into things to much.

But I don't know why I keep putting myself threw this with him. Things are so perfect right now.
3 weeks and counting... or am I oblivious?

As I lay, next to him I am happy but then I am hurting inside.
Trust is a big key in a relationship platonic or romantic. If there's no trust, what's the point?

11:18 on my "diary" as he calls it and I'm blank

comfort

Everyone loves to be comfortable around the person they love right?

Well how comfortable it to comfortable?

For me I think its cute when they burp in front of me.
Weird right? Iono I think if u can do that your comfortable around a person.

But farting??? Fuck na! Go outside or to the bathroom for that shit. Lol

Anyways.
Yeah I haven't blogged much.

Supa Savy now has a blog site. Check it out :)
www.supasavyent.tumblr.com

withdraws

Hella withdrawing from smoking and twitter! Lol I think its more of me wanting a cig...
Ugh all for a better me right? smh

40 days & 40 nights of lent. This is going to be the hardest lent ever! Lol

xoxo
-tay

2am

2 am in california on the weekend is an eventful time.

At 2am they stop serving liquor and you can't buy anymore.
At 2am the clubs let out. You can catch all the fights of the jealous bitchs who were hating on each other.
At 2am that guy you gave your number is blowing up your phone to see if you wanna "kick it"
At 2am the girl you keep callin is ignoring your call cuz you are breaking the "2 day rule"
At 2am you can catch the sideshows in oakland :)

At 2am I am laying in bed. Typing a blog. Wanting to speak my mind and spill my guts. Trying to think of a way to fill this hole that I have. I've been out the past 2 nights looking for a way to fill this hole. Dancing is shockingly not helpin.

At 2:06 am I just realized that the only way I am going to feel this imaginary hole/void, empty feelings is more time.

theres a song...

I know I said I would do more video posts for some reason they aren't going as planned. Well I know the reasons. For one I suck at em. My video editor doesn't ready my phone video formats so I can't edit them and make em coo. And then a lot of you just don't watch em. So I guess its back to writing.

Its sucks trying to find your way in this blogging world!
Its a cold world. Lol

But yeah just wanted to chop it up.
Leave some comments y'all. I wanna hear your thoughts its been a min. Lol

xoxo
-tay

jibber jabber, tila tequilla, cow007

Hahaha so I hella don't know what happened with this post:

new look, friendships and sellin out

im back like ma$e

Starting the blog up again. But they are gonna be videos. Ima try to do a "Vlog" every day or everyother day.
I am taking topics and suggestions on what you would like to see watch whatever.

Just send a email to:
Certifiably.defined@gmail.com
All inquires will be credited by person askin question unless asked differently.

I already got some videos made.
So they will be posted Tuesday.


I'm back bishes

xoxo
Tay

the last 18 hours

The last 18 hours has been HELL!
Why do the people you care for the most always seem to let you down and hurt you the worst?
Maybe its because the people we care for the most are always our closest confadonts [sp], lovers, friends, spouses, family etc. And maybe we get out hopes up so high for the possibility that since they care for us also they won't hurt us or do us wrong?
The only people that have never done me dirty is my mom and my son. Also a very select few friends. But I wouldn't put anything past anyone right now.
I've been let down and hurt by one person that has been the closest to me the past 9 months. I don't think I could every trust or confide or love or care or anything for someone again. The people that are in my life now I love and would do anything for BUT I am even at the point to where I don't even know if I wanna put any effort into anyone besides me son of course.
I always say "do you" I need to take my own advice because it doesn't seem like anything else is working for me relationship wise.
18 hours ago, I was happy, in love, enjoying life. Now I'm trying to get back to that state of mind while moving past the last 18 hours

i suck

Welp I am starting to on this blog posting ish....
Blah... do ppl still even read my shit?
Prolly not

happy NYE

Omg, I hella slacked and stop writing on this blog.
I've been. Threw so much since I stopped writing.
But ima write everyday from now on... PROMISE
Wheater its a couple sentences or bullshit I'm writing

Anyways
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

happy turkey day

haappy turkey day to all you guys!
if you dont celebrate have a great day! be thankful anyways...

xoxo
-tay

stress and insecurities

Yesterday was full of stress and insecurities!
Ughhh now my head is full of decisions that I need to make.

I stress off of things that I can't control. This is a issue for me that I know I need to work on. But breaking habbits is hard.

Yesterday I was mugged by some BZ in court, and then I take me son to see his uncle who he hasn't seen in 2 years and his bitch starts hella drama cuz she insecure! Smh

Ughhh
Why are women so insecure? I mean I'm sure he's givin her a reason to be... no I'm positive [I know for a fact] but seriously I get shit from hella dudes girls who think I have some evil plot to take their man... wtf seriously... I've been threw all that and I don't try to get at any dudes or talk to any dudes if they have a chick. Seriously I know how it feels to have your "homewrecked" and I ain't that female.

Sometimes I think my personality is to strong and that I intimedate women... I don't think I'm the baddest bitch... shit have the time I'm in jeans and a hoodie! I smile to much... iono wtf it is... my friend have even told me I'm kinda intimedating cuz I'm loud and speek powerful... I don't get that cuz I barely understand 8 letter words! Hahaha

Wow! This post was supposed to be on stress aand insecurites and its turned into me trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Lol smh

Off top tho... BLAH!
Lol
Goodbye for now!

xoxo
-tay

VIDEO: ILL DOCTRINE JAYZ, 50 CENT, & BENNIE

I started watching ill doctrine videos two years ago and I must admit... they bring me much joy! I love the one jay did about bill o'riley, I love when jay busts lil raps himself, I love the obama night in harlem... I could go on and on but so far my favorite one in this one...

JAY-Z, 50 cent and BENNIE BEEF


Jay-Z has always said "men lie women lie, numbers don't" andd when he said it at the AMA's its like he pulled the trigger to "the shot heard around the world"... I've been wondering why Jay-Z hasn't responded... he responded to a lamer beef [the jim jones beef]... I guess "outta sight, outta mind" right... but like Jay Smooth said... beenie! Stop making the dis tracks... jay-z don't give a fuck... you fighting with him is like a ant trying to fight a human... you won't win... you'll just get stepped on... don't bite the hand that feeds you... let's face it!! Jay-z is still feeding you... I hope beenie doesn't think that he's gonna sale hella albums like he did when he was with jay-z!

And 50! Omg... lol "magic beef dust" for real 50... just shut up and work on a solid album!

Ughhh
xoxo
-tay

www.illdoctrine.com
www.twitter.com/jsmooth995

slim-30

SLIM 30

i first started taking these pills in ummm febuary... i stopped takin them and then would start again but officially started again on thursday.

these effn pills work! OMG!

this is me in jan:


this is me now: [11/21/09]


You probably can't tell [or maybe its just me] but I dropped four pants sizes! Ughh thinkin about that makes me happy and mad at the sametime.

These are herbal pills, but I feel like I'm on dope when I'm on them. Which sometimes is good cuz I wanna move lol I get cotton mouth... your supposed to drink like 50 oz of water a day taking these pills. But I hate water so I don't. Lol then there are days you don't eat... well I don't... I should... and most of those days where I'm not hungry I force myself to eat! Then there are days where I can eat EVERYTHING I see in sight! The pills run between $55 to $65 depending on if you order them online or not. Ill post locations below... so I recomend the pills... I like em, and I know they work... my friends have also took them. And my ex husbands cousin took em and he lost 81lbs in 7 months. That's what 10 pounds a month? It doesn't sound like a lot! But some people can't loose close to that in a year lol

Maybe ill post my progress... like a pic once a week...
Hmmmm

So yeah, what's everyone doing for thanksgiving?
LEAVE A COMMENT

xoxo
-tay

FACTS & STATISTICS:
--According to statistics from some retailers, 80% of Slim 30 users can lose 5 - 6% in 30 days. (Users will lose 10 to 12 pounds if their current weight is 200 lbs.)



LOCATIONS:
GALLERIA MALL: ROSEVILLE
ARDEN MALL: SACRAMENTO
65TH AND STOCKTON: SOUTH SAC

INGREDENTS:
Chinese Hawthorn, Sicklepod Senna Seed, Oyster Shell, Sac Lotus Leaf, Tangerine and Chinese Licorice. Chinese Hawth Tangerine and Chinese Licorice are ingredients that can enhance digestion for better weight loss results.
Chinese Hawthorn: Photinia serrulata
Sicklepod Senna Seed: Senna obtusifolia
Sacred Lotus Leaf: Nelumbo nucifera
Gertn Chinese Licorice: Glycyrrhiza uralensis
Plus Oyster Shell and Tangerine

www.slim-30.com

i endorse Taylor Swift

okay.... no i dont but she is the perfect example of how "haters" can make you famous.

we all know what happened with her and Kanye, and we all knew it would throw her into SUPER STARDOM, cuz lets face it half of yall didnt know who she was or changed the station if you heard oe of her songs... *raises hand* i did lol

now you see her on SNL, all these commercials, and they are playing her EVERYWHERE... soo

mr.west... please feel free to hate on me all you want! i want my 15 mins of fame! its a recession and i got a kid to feed...

thank you,
tay

lol

heres a little reminder:


hahaha smh @ kanye! always a headline!
no matter wat hes still my 2nd fav rapper...
"sorry kanye but Jay-Z is one of the greatest of all time"

I know this is old news and what not but I just seen one of her commercials and well... yeah...

xoxo
-tay

locked down

someone i really care for got locked up the other night. im feelin kinda down... getting better tho!

cant wait till 3/17/2010 [his release date]
untill then its letters to let him know his friend is here!

*sigh*

i always complained that he came over and slept all the time... now i wish he was right here sleeping.

karma

Wooosers
So 50 sent sold 150,000 copies of his album so far! Less than Rick Ross' last albm the first week it was released.
Is it karma?

We all know that 50 cent KILLLLLLSSS careers... example Ja Rule and even The Game cuz let's face it... ever since the game and 50's beef the game ain't been on point.

So why 150,000 copies? I would say karma BUT officer ricky's last project "Triple C's" only sold 4,000... you figure a man with such big stature and presence as officer Ricky would know that album was a mistake... trying to pulla G-Unit type of move. Phssst blah!

So I think 50 needs to stop with the beef for a min and focus on getting his hype back up and work on his endorsments before they drop him. Being on of the richest rappers off just beef and endorsments don't say ish to me... we need a dope album like the first one...

But I love this song and video!

Yo! 50 still hella buff but he look better toned down huh? Lol

Omg! Twilight! *sigh* it comes out today! I'm hella excited. I prolly won't see it in theaters for a while cuz I know its finna be sold out for a while! But if you haven't seen the first one do so... its a great movie! The hype is well worth it

xoxo
-tay

P.S y'all like the new page? Layout? Graphix? Sheesh! I love it... leave a coment

tay and gabby show