i cry, you cry, we cry TtOGETHER

Man oh man! Oh man! I just got off the phone with my first love. This nigga been in jail for 7 years! His best friend got out and contacted me which made me miss him [my first love R.C] more.

While in this convo I got a whole bunch of "you didn't hold me down" blah blah blah. Which made me cry! Ughhhh why? Man iono 7 years of not being able to express my feelings to him because he's in a cell prolly as big as my bed. Locked up since we was 19. We got together when I was 18. So we are stuck in time trying to figure out how to get out of the past to move forward... with or without each other. He's always been in my thoughts and in my heart but I know I couldn't be with him. We fight just talkin on the phone for 5 mins.

Wow! 7 years later. I had a kid, started my own company, got married, getting divorced... at 18 this is not what I had planned... okay well to start my own company was since I had been doing this ish since 17 lol but my son was not in my plan till about the age I'm at now. But I WOULDN'T give him up for anything.

So what do I do now if I have completed all goals I had in my life? I didn't want to be famous... or a doctor, or lawyer, or anything special like that. I wanted to be a fashion designer, a dancer, a sports agent, or run my own entertainment company. So by the time I was 20 I had my own company, a kid, my own spot, 4 cars and culd buy anything I wanted. All that changed. Material things aren't what makes me happy anymore. At 25 being with my son, family and friends is what matters to me. I am richer than any rich person in the world with the people I have in my life now.

I don't know how all this is on my mind after talking to R.C. I guess considering his situation and me being able to live my life how I wanted. Its takin a toll seeing he gets out in 8 months. There's so many things he hasn't expirenced, so many new things for him to see.

*sigh* 7 years... smh... exactly 7 years when he gets out!
I'm scared for him :(

it kills me

.... 11:14 and I think I may have seen something I didn't want to see... or maybe I'm reading into things to much.

But I don't know why I keep putting myself threw this with him. Things are so perfect right now.
3 weeks and counting... or am I oblivious?

As I lay, next to him I am happy but then I am hurting inside.
Trust is a big key in a relationship platonic or romantic. If there's no trust, what's the point?

11:18 on my "diary" as he calls it and I'm blank

comfort

Everyone loves to be comfortable around the person they love right?

Well how comfortable it to comfortable?

For me I think its cute when they burp in front of me.
Weird right? Iono I think if u can do that your comfortable around a person.

But farting??? Fuck na! Go outside or to the bathroom for that shit. Lol

Anyways.
Yeah I haven't blogged much.

Supa Savy now has a blog site. Check it out :)
www.supasavyent.tumblr.com

withdraws

Hella withdrawing from smoking and twitter! Lol I think its more of me wanting a cig...
Ugh all for a better me right? smh

40 days & 40 nights of lent. This is going to be the hardest lent ever! Lol

xoxo
-tay

2am

2 am in california on the weekend is an eventful time.

At 2am they stop serving liquor and you can't buy anymore.
At 2am the clubs let out. You can catch all the fights of the jealous bitchs who were hating on each other.
At 2am that guy you gave your number is blowing up your phone to see if you wanna "kick it"
At 2am the girl you keep callin is ignoring your call cuz you are breaking the "2 day rule"
At 2am you can catch the sideshows in oakland :)

At 2am I am laying in bed. Typing a blog. Wanting to speak my mind and spill my guts. Trying to think of a way to fill this hole that I have. I've been out the past 2 nights looking for a way to fill this hole. Dancing is shockingly not helpin.

At 2:06 am I just realized that the only way I am going to feel this imaginary hole/void, empty feelings is more time.