i cry, you cry, we cry TtOGETHER

Man oh man! Oh man! I just got off the phone with my first love. This nigga been in jail for 7 years! His best friend got out and contacted me which made me miss him [my first love R.C] more.

While in this convo I got a whole bunch of "you didn't hold me down" blah blah blah. Which made me cry! Ughhhh why? Man iono 7 years of not being able to express my feelings to him because he's in a cell prolly as big as my bed. Locked up since we was 19. We got together when I was 18. So we are stuck in time trying to figure out how to get out of the past to move forward... with or without each other. He's always been in my thoughts and in my heart but I know I couldn't be with him. We fight just talkin on the phone for 5 mins.

Wow! 7 years later. I had a kid, started my own company, got married, getting divorced... at 18 this is not what I had planned... okay well to start my own company was since I had been doing this ish since 17 lol but my son was not in my plan till about the age I'm at now. But I WOULDN'T give him up for anything.

So what do I do now if I have completed all goals I had in my life? I didn't want to be famous... or a doctor, or lawyer, or anything special like that. I wanted to be a fashion designer, a dancer, a sports agent, or run my own entertainment company. So by the time I was 20 I had my own company, a kid, my own spot, 4 cars and culd buy anything I wanted. All that changed. Material things aren't what makes me happy anymore. At 25 being with my son, family and friends is what matters to me. I am richer than any rich person in the world with the people I have in my life now.

I don't know how all this is on my mind after talking to R.C. I guess considering his situation and me being able to live my life how I wanted. Its takin a toll seeing he gets out in 8 months. There's so many things he hasn't expirenced, so many new things for him to see.

*sigh* 7 years... smh... exactly 7 years when he gets out!
I'm scared for him :(

it kills me

.... 11:14 and I think I may have seen something I didn't want to see... or maybe I'm reading into things to much.

But I don't know why I keep putting myself threw this with him. Things are so perfect right now.
3 weeks and counting... or am I oblivious?

As I lay, next to him I am happy but then I am hurting inside.
Trust is a big key in a relationship platonic or romantic. If there's no trust, what's the point?

11:18 on my "diary" as he calls it and I'm blank

comfort

Everyone loves to be comfortable around the person they love right?

Well how comfortable it to comfortable?

For me I think its cute when they burp in front of me.
Weird right? Iono I think if u can do that your comfortable around a person.

But farting??? Fuck na! Go outside or to the bathroom for that shit. Lol

Anyways.
Yeah I haven't blogged much.

Supa Savy now has a blog site. Check it out :)
www.supasavyent.tumblr.com

withdraws

Hella withdrawing from smoking and twitter! Lol I think its more of me wanting a cig...
Ugh all for a better me right? smh

40 days & 40 nights of lent. This is going to be the hardest lent ever! Lol

xoxo
-tay

2am

2 am in california on the weekend is an eventful time.

At 2am they stop serving liquor and you can't buy anymore.
At 2am the clubs let out. You can catch all the fights of the jealous bitchs who were hating on each other.
At 2am that guy you gave your number is blowing up your phone to see if you wanna "kick it"
At 2am the girl you keep callin is ignoring your call cuz you are breaking the "2 day rule"
At 2am you can catch the sideshows in oakland :)

At 2am I am laying in bed. Typing a blog. Wanting to speak my mind and spill my guts. Trying to think of a way to fill this hole that I have. I've been out the past 2 nights looking for a way to fill this hole. Dancing is shockingly not helpin.

At 2:06 am I just realized that the only way I am going to feel this imaginary hole/void, empty feelings is more time.

theres a song...

I know I said I would do more video posts for some reason they aren't going as planned. Well I know the reasons. For one I suck at em. My video editor doesn't ready my phone video formats so I can't edit them and make em coo. And then a lot of you just don't watch em. So I guess its back to writing.

Its sucks trying to find your way in this blogging world!
Its a cold world. Lol

But yeah just wanted to chop it up.
Leave some comments y'all. I wanna hear your thoughts its been a min. Lol

xoxo
-tay

jibber jabber, tila tequilla, cow007

Hahaha so I hella don't know what happened with this post:

new look, friendships and sellin out

im back like ma$e

Starting the blog up again. But they are gonna be videos. Ima try to do a "Vlog" every day or everyother day.
I am taking topics and suggestions on what you would like to see watch whatever.

Just send a email to:
Certifiably.defined@gmail.com
All inquires will be credited by person askin question unless asked differently.

I already got some videos made.
So they will be posted Tuesday.


I'm back bishes

xoxo
Tay

the last 18 hours

The last 18 hours has been HELL!
Why do the people you care for the most always seem to let you down and hurt you the worst?
Maybe its because the people we care for the most are always our closest confadonts [sp], lovers, friends, spouses, family etc. And maybe we get out hopes up so high for the possibility that since they care for us also they won't hurt us or do us wrong?
The only people that have never done me dirty is my mom and my son. Also a very select few friends. But I wouldn't put anything past anyone right now.
I've been let down and hurt by one person that has been the closest to me the past 9 months. I don't think I could every trust or confide or love or care or anything for someone again. The people that are in my life now I love and would do anything for BUT I am even at the point to where I don't even know if I wanna put any effort into anyone besides me son of course.
I always say "do you" I need to take my own advice because it doesn't seem like anything else is working for me relationship wise.
18 hours ago, I was happy, in love, enjoying life. Now I'm trying to get back to that state of mind while moving past the last 18 hours

i suck

Welp I am starting to on this blog posting ish....
Blah... do ppl still even read my shit?
Prolly not

happy NYE

Omg, I hella slacked and stop writing on this blog.
I've been. Threw so much since I stopped writing.
But ima write everyday from now on... PROMISE
Wheater its a couple sentences or bullshit I'm writing

Anyways
HAPPY NEW YEAR!